So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
