Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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