At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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