I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
