so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
