My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
