Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
