I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
