so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
