dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
