i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
