She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
