ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could fuck to npr.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
