I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
