oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
