Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
