It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
