I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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