I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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