woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
