So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
