Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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