Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
