one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
