Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
