my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
