We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
