My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He? As in you personified your dick?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
