(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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