It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
