Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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