I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
