I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
