WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
