those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
