Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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