I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
