just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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