so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
