What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
