After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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