Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
