I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
