my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
