I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
