omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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