on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
