Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
