winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
