I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
