I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
